So I go to relax and get a pedicure. Anytime actual relaxation occurs for me, it’s a miracle of epic proportions. Who knows if miracles happen, but I was hoping for one!

I walk into this place and there are ten, maybe twelve, pedicure stations, the big chairs with the foot baths attached to them. So I sit down all comfortable, and another lady comes in and wants a pedicure too.

OK, so I already told you there are lots of free chairs available. Yes, you guessed it, she sat right beside me. I’m not having this. I am totally out of there. I ask the nail technician if I can switch seats. She utters something in her own language, then agrees.

The lady beside me apologizes profusely, “I’m sorry.”

I try to reassure her and say the whole “Oh, no; it’s totally me, not you!” thing. Christ, Becky, this is not a relationship; it’s just a game of musical chairs. I sound like an idiot. No, it’s not personal, I have high anxiety, and I would prefer to sit alone. That way, I don’t have to fake smile if you should happen to look my way. I don’t know how to make small talk, absolutely no good at that. If you should try to strike up a conversation, I do not have to pretend to care. See, it’s all me. Please enjoy your pedicure.

Shit, I’m an idiot; she hates me. The technician keeps looking over here like I’ve committed a crime or something. Well, this has worked—I am completely out of my comfort zone. I may even vomit! Hooray! Mission accomplished—I’m uncomfortable, but the cognitive therapy assignment has been completed. I am the most hated person in here. After my toenails are dry and I run out of here, I am never coming back. Terrific, just terrific. I have to find a new place to get a pedicure. Man, all because I moved friggin’ chairs.

Can’t anyone try to relax in this place? Wait, that’s right, no, because that would be a friggin’ miracle, and we all know miracles do not happen every day!


6 thoughts on “PEDICURE FROM HELL

  1. K.A. I don’t know how you do it, but I feel like I am on a roller coaster with greased rails, when I read your material. You are a fast-paced writer and I admire you for that; however, I am wondering how much material you bypass. Don’t misread this, your various stories had me smiling and I can feel your anxiety. There is an element of subtle comic relief and that is one of my favorite styles. Romance and erotica with comedic undertones is a terrific style and not easy to pull off, especially at 80 mph! However, you had me pushing buttons and looking for the rest or at least more of the stories. Great stuff, but I will give you some advice that might help you. Over 50 years ago, I was climbing aboard a wild green horse that had bucked off several cowboys and hurt a few of them, when an old cowboy whispered in my ear, “When you’re up there in the saddle and you feel the back round up beneath the saddle and every muscle on that horse turns to iron, keep a leg on each side, take a deep seat, and a faraway look. Take what the horse has to pass out and ride each buck. When the storm is over, if you did a good job, your will still be in the saddle.” It means more to a cowboy, but if you think about the words, ” a leg on each side and a deep seat” this means you should be ready for the storm ahead. A faraway look tells the horse and you, that you are not afraid. I rode that horse and many more after him; eventually, most horses relaxed with me and didn’t even buck. I joke that it is my faraway look, that helps me get along with horses, but it is no joke. If you learn to relax in the face of danger or what you perceive to be danger, your chances of success will increase. Whether you are getting your nails done or making a doctor’s appointment, you will be happier and your work will be easier. I have rambled on, but I love your style and I think you have untapped potential.

  2. I can relate completely with this experience. It happens so often in my life, that it makes going out and doing the simplest of tasks stressful. Which is especially daunting when the sole purpose of putting myself in these situations is for relaxation, or some self healing. I usually end up leaving feeling much worse than when I arrived.

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