QUICK CHECK – CRYSTAL PEPSI

ME

(talking with the cashier)

Hey, what is this? Crystal Pepsi?

 

CASHIER

I dunno.

 

HOT GUY at next cashier; he has dark hair, very tall, wearing a US rugby polo shirt

(talking to me)

Hey, cool, what is that?

 

ME

Clear Pepsi; no caramel color.

 

HOT GUY

Hey, this is cool.

(to cashier)

Hey, do you know where this is?

 

CASHIER

No, man, I really don’t know.

 

HOT GUY

(speaking to me)

I’m going to go find it; come on.

 

ME

Me too!

(I follow hot guy, unsure why I am)

I’d guess you’re about twenty-eight. Is that about right?

 

HOT GUY

Close, I’m thirty. I’ll go back to the soda fridge with you.

On the way to the back of the store, we pass my BOYFRIEND, who looks dumbfounded. He swings his arms in the air and waits by the front door, half laughing and half disgusted.

 

I start biting my lip; I tend to do that when I get anxious.

 

HOT GUY

What is different about this? It’s as clear as water.

 

ME

It’s just like regular Pepsi. It’s the same as regular Pepsi; it just has no color to it.

(upset with myself, mumbling)

I am so fucking stupid.

 

HOT GUY

(looks back at me)

Did Coke not have this a long time ago?

 

ME

I dunno. I’m really old; I probably just forgot if they did.

 

HOT GUY

(smiles big time)

 

ME

(to myself)

Oh my goodness. I hope my boyfriend will forgive me. I’m really sorry, but I just eye-fucked this hot guy. In my mind, I pushed him against the freezer, and well, you know, just fill in the blanks.

Hope this guy does not know what I am thinking or what my imaginative brain did to him.

There’s no way he could know that. He’s not a psychic. Hmmm, wonder what my boyfriend is thinking.

 

HOT GUY

Are you OK? You seemed to be in a daze for a few seconds. Let me put that back for you.

 

ME

(After being in a trance for a few seconds, I hand him the bottle.)

(to myself)

Wow, could life be this good in slow motion!

(to HOT GUY)

Oh, sure. Thanks.

 

HOT GUY

You’re welcome.

 

ME

(to myself)

This has gone on for too long.

I proceed to walk back to the door, which my BOYFRIEND holds open.

 

HOT GUY

Thanks, man. Yep, next time, I’m gonna try that Crystal Pepsi. I’m very curious.

 

ME

Yep, me too. (pause) Bye. (curious)

 

HOT GUY

Bye.

 

BOYFRIEND

What was that all about?!

 

ME

UMM, sorry. I’m anxious and compulsive. I just had to follow him to the soda fridge. I eye raped that guy at the freezer. Not much I can say other than sorry!

 

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